Welcome Message

Welcome one and all, near and far,

Welcome to my blog LivingWithBilly.

Ever wonder what it would be like to live with someone who has a special disability?

Now you can somewhat get and idea. Read on to see more!

Friday, February 25, 2011

Welcome To My Silly Life

I've decided to change this post. I've had a rough month and decided I would talk about something else today. I'm sorry if you were looking forward to a book review.

"Took a wrong turn
 Once or Twice
 Dug a way out
 Blood and fire
 Bad decisions
 That's alright
 Welcome to my silly life."
P!nk- "Perfect"
No matter what, I somehow think I can relate to this song. Not in the ways of the music video where there is a depressed girl who can't fit in no matter what and hurts herself from trying to hard, I can relate to it because in every line, I can make my life a part of it. The one line that I think relates to me the most you ask?Why it's right in the title. "Welcome To My Silly Life."

Welcome to MY Silly Life

Have you ever thought that you had the most stressful day ever and all you want to do is scream into a pillow and cry? Have you ever thought of giving up on everything that has been getting you stressed? I have many, many times.

The following is just something funny to think about and may not compare to the paragraph under it because it makes sense to me. It's my reality and somehow I think of it like this.

I think of my life as an intense action movie. Now, clear mind. I have something I want you to think about. Picture yourself doing this: You walk into a movie theater. In hand you have a popcorn, candy and let's say a soda. Walking into the theater you realize no one is in there and you are there by yourself. Joyfully, you run up the stairs while bits of your popcorn gets thrown out of the bucket. Suddenly, The room goes dark. The movie is about to start. In your mind you have set that you are going to watch your movie and laugh and scream and cry as much as you want because no one is in there with you. The movies now starts. There are explosions and people screaming. You laugh because the effects are so stupid. "Hey! You, stupid monster come get me! I'm right here!" Suddenly, the movie stops and you sit down like nothing happened. The 'monster' stares at you and grabs you. Thinking this is a dream or nightmare you scream. Now, you're getting sucked into the movie and don't know what will happen next. Running from corner or corner of the movie screen you're trying to figure out how to leave. Truth is though, you're stuck and you have to figure out you're own way of getting out. Suddenly, the movie screen goes blank. There are three doors there all numbered 1 through 3. Now, you try to choose door 1. You walk through it not knowing what to expect. Then you see a white light and BOOM! You're back in your movie theater seat like nothing ever happened. Now, you are running out of the theater like a manic afraid of what may happen to you next.

Here's MY Silly Life

It's February school vacation and I am ecstatic to do anything stress free. Unfortunately, I'm sick with a non-stop low grade fever and a bad ear infection. My ear infection gets so bad that I cannot get a full night sleep until Monday. I e-mail my teachers after school on Friday asking if I can stay after for extra help in classes the week we go back because I haven't been doing so good in school  due to stress from school, family and life in general. It's now Monday, we are planning a vacation from Tuesday to Wednesday. My brother and sister go to my Grandma's on Sunday night so my parents and I can have a break. They came home that day and you're starting to feel a little better but, of course still not great. Now, they're home. Today it's Tuesday, my dad works as a cop. Monday night, he gets hurt at work. My dad goes to the hospital for a back injury. The next morning I get woken up by my mom saying that the vacation we were supposed to leave on today will not be happening. I now get stuck babysitting my seven year old annoying sister and five year old autistic brother. While my mom is gone visiting my dad at the hospital once again. This is the one time of many he's been in the hospital for being sick or hurt. I am now half asleep and my sister is getting on my nerves. She's bored and just annoying me half to death while my brother is crawling all over me and pinching and screaming and having a temper tantrum. Having no clue what to do I scream "Get away!" and they move away from me. I look at them and make them something to eat to try to calm them down. This entertains them for maybe an hour so that I can read or just do something. I text my mom making sure everything is okay and he will probably be coming home that night. I walk into the living room and see my brother and sister fighting and my brother acting insane. I tell them to stop and of course, they don't. This results in me yelling again. Finally, they calm down again. Then and hour later, they start fighting again and I scream then, my sister starts fighting with me and acts annoying, my brother starts being insane and climbing on me and pulling hair. I'm so stressed that I have to have my Uncle watch my brother and sister. Did I mention that my brother is also sick? This happens until probably 6 or 7 that night. At this time, my dad comes home in a walker after being at the hospital all day with my mom. Let's skip Thursday. My Dad goes to the doctors and I have to babysit til 3:15. I wake up so I can take care of them. For the whole week I've had a low-grade fever and still don't feel good.  I babysit while I wait for my dad and grandparents to get home. Suddenly, my brother gets so out of control that I just can't take care of him. It's only 12. I call my Uncle so that he can help me out. I wait until 2:15 so he can get here and I'm a wreck from the stress I've been under. I wait downstairs for everyone to come over. My brother is still sick and he's getting on my nerves along with my sister who won't shut up. I go downstairs and just cry and cry because I've gone through too much to deal with and I can't keep it in much longer. I stay this way for awhile until I finally call my mom. She comes home in an hour I take my mind off of things by texting or watching TV. This makes things worse and I hold everything in again. My mom comes home and I go with her to the store. I cry in the car while she's talking to me because I just cannot concentrate with all the stress around me. Finally, I go inside the store and then we get whatever we needed which, I don't even remember because I was so exhausted and so stressed with everything on my mind. We go home and I finally go upstairs. My dad of course, goes back to the hospital. This was only last night. I barely remember this because of how much stress I was under. Today, I go to the doctors and because of this weird thing that's been happening to my eye, I find out I need to get a CAT Scan tomorrow. I had a great vacation didn't I?

The sad part about this though?
It seems so normal.

What did this have to do with the movie theater story?

Everyday now is unexpected to me. There isn't one day I go knowing what is exactly going to happen in those 24 hours of the day. With the movie theater, you didn't know what was going to happen when you took the wrong turn or when you got sucked into the movie. Everything that happened inside the movie theater was completely unexpected.

People tell me I have nothing to stress about and that I am too young to be stressed.

Ha! That's hilarious. I disagree with this completely. I'm a stressed person and it's just something that people will have to deal with including me. I worry about my brother 24/7 and this keeps me stressed enough. Things may change but, at least I'm caring about him instead of just brushing him off to the side like I'm embarrassed from him or anything right?

Figure out something to help you become less stressed.
When this day happens I'll let you know.

Until Next Time Where I Will Hopefully Be Less Stressed,

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Louder Than Words

So, who's watching the Grammy's right now? I know I am! May I just say that Bruno Mars and Muse so far have been the best in the show. Let's see if anyone can show them up!

Anyways, I've decided these next posts will be based off of a book. This book is called "Louder Than Words" and it is written by Jenny McCarthy. As many of you know, I hate her. But, this book is very, interesting to read. I remember when Billy was first diagnosed with Autism I tried reading it. I couldn't make it past the fifth chapter without crying. So, now I am going to start reviewing the book. Starting with chapter one tonight and chapter two tomorrow night. Next week I am on February Vacation and hopefully I'll be able to update a lot! I've been trying to update but, school has been getting the best of me! Good news though! I'm NOT failing English. Sorry I just got off topic again...let me know if I do that! Don't let me ramble on about myself! It isn't good!!!!

So, as I was saying, every night I will review this book. It will be reviewed in the following order of every chapter:

• How much I can't stand Jenny McCarty. This probably won't be happening until I get farther into the book.
• Things I disagree with on how things are handled
•My input on how the chapter was written and a short summary on the chapter

So, here we go!

Chapter 1/Introduction/Foreword
"When your child is diagnosed with cancer, neighbors stop by your home bringing precooked meals, hugs and support. When your child is diagnosed with autism, families who see you in the supermarket slip away down another aisle."- Jenny McCarthy Page ix a.k.a Foreword

Sadly, this is true. I have seen this happen and it is upsetting. No matter what people look like on the outside or in, no matter how they act, they should still be accepted this way. With a physical, mental, medical, or choice disorder you shouldn't have to be judges this way where people look at you funny. It's upsetting.

This book was published in 2007. In that time, the autism diagnosis was 1 in 150 children. Today, in Massachusetts, the highest Autism rate, it is every 1 in 91 children are diagnoses with Autism. This is only 3 years later. In the book it states "When I was in medical school, this disorder affected on in ten thousand children." (Jenny McCarthy, Page ix a.k.a Foreword.) That's amazing.

With Autism, there is no cure well, as of right now. You can get treatments to make it somewhat, less severe though. This includes speech and occupational therapy. Children with Autism are different from other children because they don't make eye contact, they don't smile on cue, they don't go up to you and say "Blana I need you to come over here right now and help me." Instead, someone like Billy says, "Blana Help!" And if I don't help him, he screams.

There is a paragraph in this "Foreword" that is titled WHAT CAUSES AUTISM AND WHY IS IT INCREASING?

These are some things my mom and I came up with or things that I did on my own. Some things are just from news or things I've learned from my child development class at school.

1. The vaccinations infants get when they are born. I think that something in one of the vaccinations could be something that an infant is allergic to, and the allergic reaction could somehow affect their brain, the vaccination could've been injected wrong or the vaccination just reacted wrong with the infant.

2. Billy was born with a defect. I think...breathing. This could somehow affected him and put him at a higher risk for Autism.

3. The types of formula or bottles infants use. I think this could also maybe have something to do with an allergic reaction, why not? It just isn't taken as the normal allergic reaction.

4.The environment the child lives/grew up in.

IntroductionJenny McCarthy talks about what it felt like to see her fourth boy, Evan at the age of two at the time, slipped into this world, the world of Autism. She explains that this started happening after he received his first MMR vaccine. She says how Autism is considered a genetic or mental disorder. Jenny's son's doctors, Jerry J. Kartzinel states that "Autism steals the soul of the child." on page  xvi a.k.a the Introduction. I disagree with this GREATLY. If Autism is meant to happen it is for a reason. Although a cure would be fantastic and I would find it amazing, if Billy was never diagnosed with this, I wouldn't be writing this to you, the readers, right now.

Chapter 1
Waking up one morning to an uncomfortable feeling, Jenny McCarthy at the time with no Autism diagnosis on Evan, knew something bad was going to happen. She felt like her soul had the flu but, knew it didn't. As she drinks her morning coffee, she realizes that Evan, her son, is sleeping later than usual and goes upstairs to check on him. This was when her whole world changed. Her son was struggling to breathe. After 14 minutes the EMT's finally arrived and it is discovered that Evan was having a seizure.
After hours of staying in the hospital and a CAT scan claiming there to be no tumor, they realized he was still not communicating with them in any way possible.  After hours of waiting, Evan finally awakens. He then, has a somewhat of a mini seizure and snaps out of it. When the doctors try to get responses out of him, they flash a light in his eyes and he screams the word ""Mama." It is then that the doctors test Evan for meningitis. This test comes back negative and the neurologist decides to pass everything over as a ferbile seizure. This is the end of chapter one with the last paragraph stating "Walking into our house was bittersweet. I was happy to be there but also sickened by the memory of the events that had taken place under this roof the day before. I wish I could say that this was the end and the seizure happened to be a fluke. But in fact this was only the beginning." (Jenny McCarthy Page 9, Louder Than Words, Chapter 1.) 

"....This was only the beginning."

It's not just the beginning, it's the beginning of a new life and a new future than imagined.



Thursday, February 10, 2011

Autism and Music

Hello Everyone,

So, as most of you know, I am absolutely in love with music. All the time I am looking for new songs and artists to listen to. Well, recently I found a website of just songs that have to do with Autism. Here are a couple of them:

EDIT: I know that some videos don't work. I promise I'll try to fix them!

This song is called "On That Day". It is by Jayne Nelsen.

This song is called "Missing Pieces". It is by Mark Leland. If you want to skip the talking, skip to the time 1:20.

Most people have probably heard this song, It's called "I Am Here". It is a song written by someone with Autism.

So, this isn't a song. This is a Documentry by Autism Speaks. I will warn you, it's 7 1/2  minutes long. If you want to know what it's like to live with someone with autism though, watch it. It's not only interesting but, even though it's from a parent's point of view, I can relate to it by seeing what my parents have to go through and things that I have witnessed Billy doing.

And just for memories, Solitary Shell by Dream Theater.


And my favorite song! "All He Has To Say". This song is by Aika Hirahara.

I got all of this from YouTube or http://www.autismlyrics.com/. Well, all the videos except the one that I made:)